10 October 2002 - 9:55 pm

I don't know how much longer i can do this.
I feel like i am surviving when i shouldn't be. This is too difficult, too stressful. This should have ended by now. You'd think that it would be ok,
'all she's known, what she's used to'
No, no, you don't get used to it and you don't become desensitised to it, every time hurts as much as the first time, you understand as little as you did the first time and having lived with it all your life does not make it any easier, how could it make it easier?
It's so cold i am so cold .. i feel dead. Except i am in pain, dull pain, aching, trying not to move and i hear him and i feel anger like a blazing fire but cold, burning and spitting and i cannot stand him, making me sick and clawing at myself for all that i am of him, i want to kill it, cut it out but i cannot. We all want to damage me.
damaged goods
faulty
broken on shop floor
What becomes of people like me? People who just weren't made for a world like this? Like porcelin, chipped away at or just shattered in an instant, broken into tiny shards. I need to call for help, but there is only one number i know....